Now With More Nudity

A Family Friendly Beverage.
(Originally written 8/3/2008)

So the good people at Saranac, makers of fine ales and lagers, have decided to expand their menu a bit, and added some fine sodas, for the kids. I'm not entirely sure how long they have been doing this, so this may be old news. However, it was quite new to me. Anyway, I picked up a six-pack of the Shirley Temple soda and damn is it good.

As you probably know, a Shirley Temple is a soft drink made with 7-Up and cherry juice. It's purpose is to make children feel like they are having a drink while their parents are getting sloshed at the bar. I guess that works for designated drivers and AA members as well. So, having tried the Saranac version for the first time, I immediately realized that this is the drink for me. You see, I'm a sugar junkie. There can never be too much sugar in anything for me. And this soda, it tastes so sickeningly sweet that it almost makes me cringe. Almost. I mean, the amount of sugar taste that you get, you would think you mistakenly picked up the sugar bowl and took a sip of that. Seriously, it's like they made the bottle out of pure cane sugar.

It is fantastic.

They also have a root beer, an orange cream, and a ginger beer. I'll probably try those eventually, but for now, I'll stick with the Shirley Temple and all of it's teeth-rotting beauty.

And That Was The Low Setting!

Nothing really going on.
(Originally written 7/28/2008)

I have to say, it's been a rather quiet week around here. Yesterday, my girlfriend and I rented the movie 21. That was pretty good. Not as good as I was expecting, but I don't regret the rental.

Other than that, pretty boring. I did some drawing for a friend of my girlfriend. He is a mixed martial artist and he wants to start his own clothing line. So he asked her to come up with some sketches and ideas, with maybe a website to follow. That's pretty cool, because it means the opportunity for some more cash.

So, I got Sunday. Saturday was not much. Family party. Friday, work. Oh, and a job interview. Good stuff. Pretty excited about that.

Thursday was work. Wednesday was work. Tuesday was work. Monday was work.
Yep, not much.

Hope you enjoyed my cranial diarrhea.

Oh, it's also 12:28 in the morning. I know this without even looking at the clock. Wanna know how? The sprinklers in our apartment complex just came on.

Discussion of a Quandry

The Attack of the Dark Knight Returns.
(Originally written 7/21/2009)

Yeah, the title of this post doesn't really make any sense, but The Dark Knight was an awesome fucking movie. It was so awesome, I barely remember what happened during most of it. Some might view this as a bad thing, as in "Oh. You were so bored that your mind wandered and you didn't even catch most of the film."

No. Not at all. I was so blown away by the action, acting, plot twists, and drama that my human brain couldn't comprehend it all at once.

Seriously. Heath Ledger was great as the Joker. His performance shits all over Jack Nicholson and Cesar Romero. It's that good. Granted, it wasn't so good that he needed to OD on prescription meds and die, but, hey. That's on him. The Joker's entire scheme seems to by so completely random that when it makes sense at the end, you can tell that he is that crazy.

But aside from that, the best part of the movie was the Harvey Dent plot. Aaron Eckhart is riveting as Gotham's DA, and he plays his part with such panache, that you can't see anyone else in this role. Not even Tommy Lee Jones. Seriously!

I don't think I need to say anything about Christian Bale. It's pretty much agreed that since Batman Begins, he is the best Batman to ever be filmed. And if anyone tries to argue that point, then he or she and I have some problems.

If you haven't seen this movie yet, you need to. If you have, but you want to see it again, call me. I'll go with you.

Stee-Rike Two!

Chicken good.
(Originally written 7/7/2008)

So, fast food chain McDonalds has introduced a few new chicken items to their menu. The first one that I heard of was the Southern Style chicken biscuit breakfast sandwich. That sounded good to me, seeing as how I have had such an item at my local Chick-Fil-A franchise. However, driving down a road near my street I saw a billboard that advertised a Southern Style chicken sandwich. Now, this wouldn't bother me so much if it weren't for the fact that it also mentioned that the sandwich contained a pair of pickles. Hmmm...

Might these be two crucial pickles?

Come on, McDonalds. You aren't fooling anyone. This "Southern Style" chicken sandwich has been around since Truett Cathy first offered it in the Dwarf Grill. You aren't offering anything "new." In fact, you may as well just call it the "Chick-Fil-A Style chicken sandwich." (They also launched a website to promote the new items. Somehow dancing is supposed to settle a philosophical debate.)

I don't hate McDonalds. With that said, though, I love Chick-Fil-A. So if you feel that I am being biased, it's because I am. But seriously, what is the difference between these two sandwiches besides the name on the receipt? The quality of chicken, maybe? If that's the case, I will certainly choose Chick-Fil-A anyday. Though McDonalds' chicken isn't terrible (as opposed to Burger King, which is downright awful), it does not compare in any way to Chick-Fil-A.

What makes me happy is that I am not the only one to notice this particular brand of mimicry. The New York Times ran an article about it, as did Time magazine. However, since they are rather big name publications, and I am just one schmoe in my corner of the internet, they refuse to take a stand on the issue. Not me, though. Given the choice; Chick-Fil-A.

There is no competition here. If I want a quality chicken sandwich, whether it's eight in the morning or eight in the evening, I'm going to Chick-Fil-A. If I want a greasy, squashed cheeseburger with synthetic sauce, I'll go to McDonalds. And never the 'tween shall meet.
Anyway, I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Send me an e-mail if you feel as strongly as I do so we can spark some debate over here at CnP.

That's a Quality Pinata

Wal-Mart Sucks.
(Originally written 6/30/2008)

Yes, I am against Wal-Mart as a retail entity, as I am sure many people in the world are. However, my hatred has been backed-up by the information in the movie Wal-Mart: The High Cost of Low Price.

I have always understood that, with the low prices that Wal-Mart offers, somebody somewhere must be taken advantage of. However, Wal-Mart is one step above using sweatshops over in China. Apparently, they also offer housing for their employees, and the rent is taken out of their paychecks. That doesn't sound so bad; however, even if an employee doesn't live in the company housing, they take the rent out of their paychecks.

Wal-Mart is also so opposed to unions that if the word is even breathed under someone's breath, they bring in an Anti-Union Task Force, at the price of $7,000,000, to take control of the store. The store manager loses all control, they install cameras and bugs to listen to people, they freeze raises so as not to appear to bribe anyone. This shit is absolutely crazy the kind of things that Wal-Mart does.

Not only that, but the widow of Sam Walton and his four children are each worth over $10 billion. Did you know that the entire family has only given about 1% of their money to charity. OK, I know. You're probably saying "It's their money. They don't have to give it away." I'll agree with that. However, Bill Gates has donated 58% of his income to charity. Wal-Mart offers some sort of charity where their employees can donate money to help other employees who have lost their houses and belongings in storms and hurricanes and things. In 2005, the employees donated about $5 million. The Waltons... $6,000. What the fuck is that shit? When you have $12 billion dollars, give a little away. No one can possible spend that much in a lifetime. Especially when you husband and father believed that the most important aspect of the company is the employees. Without the employees, you ain't selling shit. I would love to see Sam Walton's wife with a pallet jack unloading a truck. Remember your roots, motherfucker!

Sorry for the tirade. That movie got me so pumped up about my hatred for Wal-Mart. I haven't even touched on some of the sickest shit that they do as a company. How can a company of this size get away with the law-breaking that they do? Someone needs to step in and do something. Bill Gates and Microsoft was harassed for years about creating a monopoly. Well, in my opinion, when you come into an area and all of your competition is closing it's doors, I'd say that's one hell of a monopoly.

Inter-Company Crossover

June Comic Watch.
(Originally written 6/22/2008)

I picked up my comics on Friday night, and after making it through most of them, I have a few thoughts.

Number 1; Secret Invasion is coming out awesome. For the sake of spoilers, I won't go into detail, but the newest issue focuses on one important character, and the final outcome definitely brings mixed feelings for me. Superficially, the end of that issue is so obvious that it kind of made me say "Well, that explains a lot." However, with the understanding of how much thought and work Brian Michael Bendis has put into the story over the past few years, it just couldn't be that simple. I have to expect more.

Number 2; The newest Ultimate X-Men storyline kicks ass. I have recently begun to lose a little steam with this title; it seemed that a lot of what was happening was subpar, at best. Even the whole Apocalypse storyline was lacking that OOMPH. However, Aron Coleite has hit on something that is working so far. Even the super-powered character designs are frigging awesome. I particularly like Angel.

Number 3; New Exiles has gotten a little better, though I'm still cautious about it. Chris Claremont has not been at his best over the past couple of years. I feel that his recent runs on a few of the X-titles were... well, crap. Not to mention the changes that he brought the Exiles just didn't meet with my approval (I still miss Blink). The newest issue, however, was pretty good. I do like how he is giving Morph a chance to be more than just comic relief. This is definitely an improvement over last month (a prince falls in love with a dragon? What the fuck?). Hopefully, things are looking up.

Number 4; X-Force. Man, the blood, the violence, the changes in character. Not to mention the return of Archangel (who looks awesome at the end of issue 4, by the way). Yost and Kyle are doing great here.

That's pretty much all that sticks out in my mind right now. That, and I haven't finished all of my books. When I do, and if something hits me good enough, I'll be sure to give you my opinion.

Imagine What Halloween Is Like

NaNoWriMo.
(Originally written 6/16/2008)

Yes, I know that looks very weird, but allow me to explain.

So I picked up this book by a guy named Chris Baty called No Plot? No Problem! The purpose of the book is to help aspiring writers to write a full length novel, of 50,000 words or more, within the time span of 30 days. Sounds pretty cool huh?

Apparently, he and twenty of his friends did this in July of 1999. Out of the original 21, only 6 finished. Baty was so pumped after finishing a full-length novel that he began to make National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo... get it?) an annual thing. He changed the actual month to November, as a way to beat the shitty weather blues, and he gets tens of thousands of people signing up for this thing.

He can add one more to the roster.

I think I'm gonna do this in November. I have some cool stories that I would like to get out there and write. But the problem is I never find the time to write them. One of the things he talks about in the introduction of the book is that having a deadline helps to push you to get work done. And being busy helps even more, which I believe completely. There are plenty of times that I have all of the time in the world to do shit, but I putz around and don't get anything done. Then I get pissed off at myself. But if I absolutely have to do that, then I finish this up first. Makes sense.

Anyway, if any one else is interested in learning more about this check out the National Novel Writing Month website. And, hey. Sign up if you want. It would be cool to go head to head a few of you people out there in internet-land.

It's German for "Evil Twin"

Anyone else excited about Ultimate Jubilee?
(Originally written 6/9/2008)

I was quite disappoint when Marvel de-powered Jubilee as a result of M-Day. I had always liked this character, despite the fact that she was a mash-up of Dazzler and Kitty Pryde, created to help Wolverine with his brusque attitude and give him something to care about. But regardless, I felt that a few writers did some great things with Jubilee, most notably after she joined the ranks of Generation X.

So imagine my surprise as I flipped through the pages of Ultimate X-Men #94 and saw Jubilee standing there among the ranks of Alpha Flight. A smile crept across my face as none had ever done in the past.

I really hope that she plays some sort of role in the upcoming storyline and is not just there to appease readers (like myself) or as canon fodder. Jubilee has a lot of potential, if only any writer where willing to use it. Anyway, I suggest you check it out, if you haven't already. And not just for Jubilee, mind you (though I wouldn't judge you for that.) Pick up this issue because it is the beginning of a storyline by Aron Coleite, who has done some great writing for the television series Heroes. If you don't read Ultimate X-Men, or have dropped out of it for a while, this would be a good place to pick it back up.

Speaking of all of this, as I tried to find a link to the cover for U:XM #94, I came across this bio of Jubilee. What I thought was interesting is that she joined the ranks of the new New Warriors after the Marvel Civil War. I had gotten the first issue, but quickly abandoned it because it really wasn't doing anything for me. But after learning this, and learning that the New Warriors are all ex-students of Xavier's, I may have to track down some back issues. I would like to read what all of this business is about.

A Misuse of Judgement

Wizard World Philly
(Originally written 6/5/2008)

Yep, I managed to check this out this past Sunday. My awesome girlfriend bought me tickets for our 3 year anniversary, so I was stoked. This is the first WW that I have gone to, despite the fact that I've been a comic collector for the last 18 years of my life. What is wrong with me?

Anyway, I'm glad it was remedied. I went there with the expectation of buying some issues to fill in the gaps in my collection, or picking up some variant covers of cool issues that I'd wanted. What happened, though, was strange. I spent most of the time, and money for that matter, with the artists. I've never really paid attention to buying signed prints, until this show. The first person that we ran into was Greg Horn, who, if you are aware of his work, is an amazing artist. He was such a cool guy to talk to that I got one of his prints, and I guess that got the ball rolling. We ran into Billy Tan, and he and I got into a talk about the New Avengers and how great of a writer Brian Michael Bendis is.

The coolest experience, however, was Billy Tucci. His interactions with the people at his table was off the wall. He seemed like a very subtle weirdo, and he was really cool. My girlfriend purchased an original sketch from him, and we let him take his time. We went back a few hours later and he hadn't finished it yet. That was cool with us so we left and came back and it still wasn't done. No problem. If he wasn't as friendly as he was, we may have had a problem with it; he was a busy guy with the panel he was on and all the attention that he got, so it was understandable. He was also a nice guy so we came back at the end of the show. Needless to say, the sketch was amazing and my girlfriend was really happy with it. I regret not getting a picture with the guy, but he was busy.

We also spent some time checking out the underground, independent stuff. Two of the things that stick out in my head are Freaky Dinkys and Brielle and the Horror, both of which are pretty cool and worth checking out.

Needless to say, we both had a blast. I can't wait until next year to see what other stuff I can pick up. Hopefully, there will be shit just as cool, if not cooler.

Now That's Creativity

I think I've rediscovered Weezer.
(Originally written 5/28/2008)

I'm really digging the new song, 'Pork and Beans.' And the other day, on my way to work, a local radio station played a block of Weezer which included an awesome acoustic version of Jaime. Since then, I've been listening to a CD a friend of mine made with a whole bunch of great Weezer songs.

My favorite song by them has been 'The Good Life' and it still holds up. But I've got a new appreciation for 'Surf Wax America.' Not to mention the song 'American Girl' that they did with Sonic Youth and Cake.

Man, I've never been excited for a new CD release before, but I'm really looking forward to when the Red Album hits stores.

Clit's Costume

The move is done.
(Originally written 5/2/2008)

Yay! We got everything into the new apartment and now comes the task of putting it all away. What a hell the actual move was.

First off, we didn't get started until around 10 AM. It was me, my girlfriend, and my girlfriend's little brother moving everything. We got the furniture into the truck when we learned that we wouldn't be able to get everything in and that we would have to make a second trip. That sucked.

When we got to the new place, a couple of my girlfriend's friends were able to come and help. That was awesome. Where as it took us three hours to get the stuff into the truck, with their help, we got it unloaded in an hour and a half. Afterwards, we went back to get the rest. That went OK, but getting it back up to the new place was terrible. Having to go up to the third floor 20 times in about a hour takes a lot out of a guy.

We finally finished up at around midnight. By the time I dropped off the truck and got back home it was almost 2 in the morning. Then I had to get up at 5:30 to get ready for work. Yeah, working after 3 hours of sleep sucks big time. I don't know how I every did it, especially when it involved a hangover as well.

Anyway, I'm glad it's done. I can get settled and set up all my cool stuff. Now all that's left for me to do is find myself a decent job. At least I will have to time to do that now.

The Pay Off

A great weekend for comic book geeks.
(originally written 4/27/2008)

As 7-11 and Burger King have been making everyone aware, there is this small, independent movie called "Iron Man" opening up this weekend. Now, I cannot say for sure if it will be any good or not, but I'm betting it's going to pull in an ass-load of money. Given the past few movies based on Marvel characters opening in May, well, I think Marvel thinks Iron Man is good enough to premiere in May. Clearly it's not on the level of Ghost Rider or Daredevil (though I didn't mind Daredevil that much.)

In addition to this, however, Saturday is a special time of year. Free Comic Book Day is May 3rd, so everyone celebrate. For those who are unfamiliar with FCBD, what it is is a promotion for the comic book industry in which anyone can walk into a comic book store and get a comic. For free. No money. Not even a penny.

The purpose behind the promotion is to open up the industry to people who aren't familiar with comics. Non-readers may be more inclined to read a comic if it were free. While I don't know how successful in this venture FCBD has been, I certainly enjoy because it's a great idea either way.

Anyway, my point is, go see Iron Man on Friday. Go get a free comic on Saturday. Enjoy the weekend. I know I will.

Suiting Up

Going through a lot of changes.
(Originally written 4/20/2008)

Personally, I mean. By the end of the month, I have to move into my new apartment. So most of my time is consumed by packing a moving shit from one place to another. I also have to find a couple of friends who don't have to work or will be willing to take off from work on a Wednesday to help move the furniture. I doubt that is likely to happen. Source of stress #1.

My new job sucks. Not even a little. It sucks, like, something fierce. Couple that with the fact that my commute to this job is tripled compared to my last job and the non-stop increase in gas prices makes my paltry raise a pay cut, and you have source of stress #2.

The only thing getting me through is that I know the first stress source will be over by the time I get into the new apartment. Then, at least, I can work on finding a new new job and eliminate the second stress. In fact, I have already done some work for this, getting my resume in order and creating a small portfolio booklet that I can send to companies. I would like to try using my over-priced college degree instead of letting all of that money go to waste. I don't think that I will even consider a job that is not in the graphic design or advertising field for this reason, unless, of course, I am offered 80 grand a year. In that case...

Anyway, though I have problems, I know that they are temporary. I'm gonna keep trudging through life, trying to make the most of it.

Creating a Hero

Moonvertising...
(Originally written 3/31/2008)

As I was driving home from work the other week I saw a billboard ad with a message portraying this idea. I thought to myself, "This is a horrible idea. Advertising is far too prevalent. I pay to go to the movies and still I am forced to watch commercials. Now, I can't even look up at the full moon without being assailed by a product ad? What the fuck is wrong with this world?"

Well, I forgot about it for a while, but last week I got around to visiting the site. I guess I was not shocked to find that this whole thing is the brainchild of Ron Stablehorn, the VP of Marketing for Rolling Rock beer.

In the past, Rolling Rock has done some very "in your face" advertising campaigns, most of which revolved around viral marketing. Their most memorable being the inoffensive "Beer Ape" ad. The hook to that ad is the apology that Stablehorn gave for the offensiveness of the ad, which, of course, drove viewers to search out the ad to see why it is so offensive. Clever advertising, many would say. I suppose I would agree, seeing as how I felt the need to find out what the big deal was about the commercial. Let's not forget the Friends of Rolling Rock, a group of loyalists who, after the Beer Ape incident were calling for Stablehorn's head. This, too, was a brainchild of Stablehorn in an attempt to fan the flames of controversy. And now, here he is again, stirring up his newest viral marketing campaign.

What makes this really funny is that, while listening to a local radio station today, they were talking about this. Only one of the five people in the discussion questioned the validity of advertising on the moon. He was, however, quickly ridiculed by the other four. Morons.

I think it's funny how Rolling Rock goes through all of this trouble to advertise their products, when there is one simple thing they can do to increase their customer base...

How about making it not taste like piss?

A Hero Is Found

I got a new car today...
(Originally written 3/10/2008)

Well, not a new car, but new for me. And it's not really for me; it's for my girlfriend.

My boss got himself a new new car, so he was trying to get rid of his old car. He gave me a good deal on it and, being in the need for a second vehicle, I jumped on it. I picked it up today. Now comes the fun part of getting it registered and insured. Hopefully I will have enough time after work tomorrow in order to take care of all of that crap.

I guess we will see what happens.

The Treasure Trove

I quit my job!!!
(Originally written 2/18/2008)

Yep, I'm very excited about this. For the longest time, I have hated my job with a fucking passion. So, you can imagine how happy I am to be out of that life-sucking crap hole I've been stuck at for years.

Fear not, however. I do have another profession in front of me that should be sufficient to pay for things, like shelter, food, and Internet access.

If you'd like, you may congratulate me via e-mail at the address linked below. Or, since this should have no impact on your daily lives, you can ignore it altogether and go about yourselves in a normal fashion.

Either way, I'm smiling.

Clit's Consternation

Across the Universe.
(Originally written 2/11/2008)

So I watched Across the Universe yesterday, and it was amazing. Well, weird would be a better word for it, but amazing describes my overall appraisal of the film.

I was intrigued when I first saw the trailer for it; a movie based on the music of the Beatles seemed like a great idea to me. But I never got the chance to see it in the theater. Anyway, after I watched it, I was damn near blown away at how well-made it was. The selection of songs was almost perfect; I had issue with a few of them, one of them "Being For the Benefit of Mr. Kite" (I just don't like that song). However, the imagery used during that sequence was awesome.
What I liked best was the way they used other aspects of Beatles songs besides the songs themselves. Jude. Lucy. Sadie. Max. All of these are names of Beatles' songs in one way or another. I also like in the beginning the man who says the phrase "When I'm 64."

All in all, Across the Universe is a great movie, especially one based on an idea put forth in a Powerpuff Girls episode. But I don't hold that against it; in fact, it helps to bolster it's credibility.

Countdown To Party Time

Brand New Day.
(Originally written 1/28/2008)

For those unfamiliar with the subject at hand, the title of this post refers to the new direction the Spider-Man comics have taken. Bear in mind that this may contain spoilers for those interested.
I'm not sure I like the whole "Brand New Day" thing. To me, it seems like a cop out. This is the kind of shit that DC would do to fix their continuity. Oh, wait. This is the kind of shit that DC would do to fix their continuity.

I think that erasing the last decade of Spider-Man history is just dumb. They have had so many good, strong character driven stories. Just to do away with that...? Come on. Spider-Man revealing his identity to the world during Civil War was one of the ballsiest things Marvel could have done. Now, that has all been erased. I am certain that there were so many awesome directions they could have taken this. Sadly, Marvel wanted to take the cheap way out and fix their "mistakes."

What bothers me the most about this is that it all stems from Joe Quesada's dislike of the Peter Parker/Mary Jane marriage. The entire delivery just seemed forced to me. Not to mention the fact that by Peter Parker giving up his marriage and future with his hot, supermodel wife in order to save the life of his old, elderly aunt who has lived a full, happy life just seems really... creepy to me. Just how much does Peter care for his aunt? And now Mary Jane is a super hero? What the fuck?

I'm still going to read Amazing Spider-Man, if not just to see in which direction they take this concept. Seeing as how Spider-Man is my favorite super hero, I really hope this thing gets better. But if it doesn't, I'm gonna have a huge vendetta against Marvel.

Just a Peek

Friday is my birthday!
(Originally written 1/20/2008)

I'm excited. Granted, I'm turning 28, which brings me that much closer to the dreaded milestone of 30, but my birthday has always been a treasured day in my life. So, regardless of how old I'm gonna be, I'm looking forward to it.

Not sure how I'm going to celebrate it, though. My sister wants to go to dinner, which should be nice. Afterward, I think I'm going to drag my girlfriend to see "Be Kind Rewind." She has no real desire to see it but, hey, it's my birthday, right?

Then on Saturday, I'm gonna hit the bar with some friends. Have some drinks. Have some fun. Good times for sure.

Peachez

It's snowing!
(Originally written 1/15/2008)

I was so pissed this morning. Supposedly, there was supposed to be a huge snowstorm last night. They were saying that it was gonna be like 6 to 12 inches. But when I woke up this morning... nothing. Crap.

See, I wanted the snow because I wanted the day off of work. If I go in and they close the store, I get paid for the whole day. But, what sucks now is that I have Tuesday off. So if it snows a lot today, then I can't really do shit. I'll probably be stuck inside all day and not get to do anything fun.

I was excited about the snow, but now... Not so much.

Out For a Stroll

The most annoying commercial on television.
(Originally written 1/10/2008)

Cablevision/ Optimum has been producing commercials that are in the vein of music videos promoting their services. Some of them were okay, while others were bad. However, for the past few months, they have been airing one that is so downright annoying that words don't describe it. For those of you who hate themselves, you can see it here.




This commercial is bad for two reasons.

1) Reggaeton is bad. As a musically genre, it's terrible. There is nothing appealing about this type of music.

2) Reggaeton is really fucking bad.

Besides these two factors as to how bad this commercial is, the guy singing (if that is what it can be called) is annoying. The girls who repeat the phone number (FOUR-FOUR-FOUR-EIIIIIIIIGGHHHTTTTT!) just get to be so grating that I want to shove a pen into my ear. Lastly, who is the guy dressed like a sea serpent/lobster thing? A friend of my girlfriend put it best; "He will never have sex again." Sounds about right. What's his draw? "I was in a TV commercial. I dressed like a Kraken. Want to have sex with me, chica?

I have gotten into the habit of going outside for a cigarette whenever this commercial comes on. But at the rate they play it, I'll be dead from cancer by next week.

CockFace

Before the Dinosaurs.
(Originally written 1/6/2008)

I'm watching this show on the Discovery Channel, and it's pretty awesome. The whole thing is about creatures that lived and evolved before the time of the dinosaurs. There are some really cool looking things like a spider the size of a human head (called the Mesothele, or something like that) and a dragonfly the size of an eagle.

It's really interesting the way that human traits evolved from reptiles and fish. Evidently, the reptiles were the first to have multi-chambered hearts, which pumped blood through their bodies faster, giving them the speed to outrun predators. Also, there was a certain fish, the name of which escapes me now, that had memory, which they used to return to the same spawning spot.

It looks like they are getting to the dinosaurs soon. They just introduced the Dimetrodon, the large, fin-backed reptile. I always confused that for being a dinosaur, but I know they were in a similar time period. (Apparently I'm off by about 30 million years. Go figure.)

I like this show. I can feel myself getting smarter.

Well, not really. But I still like it.

Fo' Shizzle

I'm thinking...
(Originally written 1/3/2008)

I need to try some Arby's.

MI saw a commercial for their French Dip thing and, DAMN, if that doesn't look delicious. I have never had Arby's before, and I've never really had the desire either. But between that French Dip and the Stuffed Cheese Poppers or whatever the hell they call 'em, I could just clog every artery in my body.

Sadly, there's no Arby's near where I live, but there is one not too far from the comic book store I go to. So, that sounds like an afternoon to me. Get some comics, go to Arby's and eat myself into a cholesterol induced coma.

Who's with me?

The Engorger: Part 5

It's late... again.
(Originally written 12/31/2007)

Luckily I have no work tomorrow.

My girlfriend is asleep behind me. She has this habit of needing to watch television in order to fall asleep. This normally doesn't bother me, but she asked if, since I was working, she could watch her new favorite movie. The Holiday. Again, this wouldn't bother me, except for the fact that we have watched it three times since she got it the day after Christmas. To make matters worse, she is passed out and it's still on.

The sad thing is I keep shooting glances at it every now and then.

I think I need to revisit my manhood and watch Transformers or something.

The Engorger: Part 4

The changing face of Political Correctness...?
(Originally written 12/27/2007)

So I was watching TV today, right, and I saw a commercial for the United Negro College Fund.

Now, stop me if I am wrong, but I thought calling black people or African Americans "Negroes" was considered archaic, insulting and very Politically Incorrect?

Then that got me to thinking. The NAACP is still referred to as the NAACP, which stands for the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People. Now, I may be wrong on the "Negro" thing, but I know that African Americans take offense to being called "Colored People."

This could mean, in my mind, one of two things.

1) African Americans are too lazy to update the names of two of their most prominent organizations. This, I would hope, is not the case, seeing as how there is a terrible stereotype about black people and laziness that these two organizations are trying to abolish. Or...
2) It is okay to call African Americans "Negroes" and "Colored People."

This is really the only thing that works. I don't think that these two organizations are actually lazy, but that, deep down, they don't mind the terms Negro or Colored. I think it reminds them of the roads they travelled growing up and have a strange familiarity and comfortableness. I mean, why else, in this age of Political Correctness, would these two organizations still be associated with those terms?

It's really all that fits...

A Guest Strip By Eve Z

This strip was given to me as part of a Christmas gift exchange by Eve Z. of .evezworld.com.

A Christmas Gift

It's late.
(Originally written 12/25/2007)

After work today I went to my girlfriend's parent's house to have a Christmas Eve dinner. I didn't expect to be there as long as we were, so I got a major late start on doing today's strip. Which sucks, in a way, because with all of the stuff I have to do tomorrow... I mean today... I mean later. Shit, I'm confused. At least I had a nice dinner.

Anyway, I managed to get it done pretty quick, probably because I used some symbols that I found on Adobe.com. Don't hate me for this, but there's no way I would have gotten the strip done tonight if I didn't.

Aw, well. I hope you enjoyed it at least.

A Guest Strip By Keong

This strip was given to me a a Christmas gift from Keong over at t-n-t: A Daily Webcomic.

The Engorger: Part 3

Who likes the lottery?
(Originally written 12/23/2007)

You can scratch my girlfriend off that list.

On the spur of the moment I bought her one of those Crossword scratch-off lottery tickets. I give it to her, then come into the bedroom to finish wrapping Christmas presents and all of a sudden, she pops in the room and says "Should I just kiss you now?" I ask why and she says she won $100 on the lottery ticket. She looks it over six or seven times, and notices that she missed a letter. That would have been eight words, which is $500. That's when she started shaking.

She hands me the ticket and says, "Make sure I got this right." So, I write down all of the words, and sure enough, there was eight. She tells me to check the letters, so I start crossing them out of the words that I wrote down.

Until I get to the "Q."

Evidently, she mistook "Q" for "O."

Yeah, eight words went down to two words which, in the eyes of the New Jersey Lottery, equals shit.

I don't think I need to buy lottery tickets anymore.

The Engorger: Part 2

Holy crap...
(Originally written 12/20/2007)

Christmas is 5 days away. That's not a lot of time.

Fortunately, I'm almost done with my shopping. But I still have to get my sister a present. See, I knew what I wanted to get her. But by the time I got off my fat ass and went shopping, I couldn't find it. So now I get to think of something else, purchase it, wrap it, and give it to her in five days time.

Sweet Christ.

I still need to wrap everything I purchased, too. And get some stocking stuffers for my girlfriend.
Christmas takes too much energy.

The Engorger: Part 1

I think I need to get a Mac.
(Originally written 12/17/2007)

This piece of shit PC is really pissing me off.

Now, my laptop is not the best on the market, granted. But the fact that it takes 20 minutes to close a program is flat out ridiculous. No lie; twenty fucking minutes. To close it! I can understand taking 20 minutes to open a program (I wouldn't put up with it, but I'd understand it) but taking that long to close... Asinine.

All of this is on top of my experiences in the past. For example, I had made a 30 second 3D animation for school back in 2001. It was a cool little thing of a bumblebee in a flightcap zipping around the backyard set to a cool music mix of Edvard Greig's Morning Mood and the Vandals doing Flight of the Bumblebee. Yeah, I would put it up here for you all to see but, since my shitty PC crashed so many times, that no longer exists. Plus, there's the 30 minute movie that I made, starring my firends that took my three months to capture and edit. As soon as I got to the point of saying "This is done," gone, all because of my crap PC.

It's about time for me to switch. I think I'm going to start saving now and work on that by the end of 2008. That is, unless I don't slam my laptop against the wall first.

An Interesting Discovery

Christmas is right around the corner...

(Originally written 12/13/2007)

Is anyone else dreading it as much as I am?

I used to love Christmas. And not just because of the presents (though that may have been the main draw). I loved the feeling in the air, the Christmas music, having dinner with my family. But now that I'm older, Christmas is just a chore.

What it is, I think, that that I have finally realized how commercialized Christmas has become. I thank the last 8 years working in retail for that (Fuck you, department stores!) My girlfriend has been asking me what I want for Christmas, and I have no answer. I honestly don't want anything for Christmas.

I think, all I want, is to go back before the weight of the world took it's toll on me. The time when Santa Claus brought me presents, when Christmas presents were fun to buy because I didn't have to worry about the credit card bill in January, and I had a week and a half off from school instead of one day off from work.

That's what I want for Christmas this year...

...For Good Stuff

Buy some stuff!
(Originally written 12/9/2007)

So I created a CafePress.com shop today. I figure that this is as good a place as any to promote it. The products it has really have nothing to do with Clit & Pecker, but it does feature my artwork. If you want to own a piece of me, now's your chance.

I know this may seem like a lame attempt to capitalize on my readers, but I don't think so. I mean, I don't blame anyone for not buying from CafePress. I won't get mad or say that you suck. All that I'm doing is letting you know that I am featuring some of my work on products that are available to purchase. That's it. No pressure.

Maybe you're wondering why I am not selling C&P merchandise. Well, I plan to. I have some cool things in mind. The only obstacle is to create it and offer it on the site. Okay, that's the second obstacle. The first obstacle is to get some more readers. Then to create the merch, put it on the site, and make sales. There's an order to these things, you know.

Anyway, if you are interested, you can see the CafePress store here. To anyone who purchases anything, you get a hearty thank you for your support in advance. To anyone who visits, well, thanks for being curious. To anyone who ignores this altogether, you get a thanks for reading.

See? Everyone gets props.

The Search...

Why did I go to school?
(Originally written 12/6/2007)

Got a call yesterday. Evidently, it's time for me to start paying back my school loans.

So I asked the person on the phone what my payments would be... My jaw hit the floor. It seems that my monthly payments are almost as much as my rent!

After gathering my breath and slowing the beating of my heart, I told them, politely, that I couldn't friggin' pay that much in a month. They kindly directed me to the consolidation department so that I could combine my loans and have a lower monthly payment.

It gets better.

One of the questions that I was asked is if I wanted to pay the principle and the interest, or just the interest? What the hell kind of question is that? Given a choice, I would like to pay just the principle and interest be damned. These loans aren't compounding, so I'm not charged interest on the interest. I guess they know that their shit is a scam and try their damndest to swindle as many people as possible.

My point is, school is not worth the debt. I have both an Associates and a Bachelors, and I am still working in the same job as when I was attending school. My degrees have not helped me for shit, but here I am, neck deep in debt because of them.

This country sucks. I wish we could have an apprenticeship system like Europe. I know I have the skills. What I don't understand is why I need a friggin' piece of paper to show others that.
My head hurts.

A Love Blossoms

My observations of Spider-Man 3...
(Originally written 12/2/2007)

I was watching it yesterday for the seventh time (that's right; twice in the theaters and 5 times on DVD) and I picked up on something that I hadn't realized before. Let me start from the beginning.

The first time I watched Spider-Man 3, I got so angry that they rewrote the death of Uncle Ben, what with Sandman having been involved. It angered me because Uncle Ben's death is the driving force behind Peter Parker being Spider-Man. See, Peter blames himself for his uncle's death because, as it turns out, the robber that he failed to stop earlier in the night is the same one who shot Uncle Ben. Anyone who reads comics knows and understands this.

However, in the movie, (I guess this is a good time for a Spoiler Alert) it turns out that the bullet that killed Uncle Ben came from Flint Marko's gun, not the robber that Peter failed to stop. This bothered me when I first saw the movie. Why? I'll tell you. It means, even if Peter Parker stopped the robber, his uncle would be dead, at least in the situation that Peter imagined in the movie. Were this to be true, nothing Peter did that night would have saved his uncle, thus, his uncle's death could not be his fault. A equals B, Peter Parker has no motivation for being Spider-Man.

But, at the end of the movie, when the Sandman explains to Peter what happened, I realized that the two events were connected. Sandman tells Peter that when he, Flint Marko, approached Uncle Ben to take the car he, Uncle Ben, tried to reason with Marko. The flashback shows that Marko was receptive to what Ben had to say, until his partner came running out with the cash. At that point, the gun accidentally goes off, killing Ben.

See, Peter's motivation is not shattered. Had Peter stopped the robber earlier, he would not have surprised Flint Marko while he was holding the gun on Uncle Ben and the gun would have, most likely, not gone off.

It could also mean that Peter Parker could have stopped the evolution of the Sandman. Look at it this way. Peter stops the crook, which means that Ben and Marko's conversation would not have been interrupted. Ben convinces Marko to turn his life around. Marko does not get pinched for whatever crime he commits that throws him in jail. This means he does not escape from jail, go on the lam from the cops and never winds up in the experimental sand pit. If anything, the events in Spider-Man 3 would solidify Peter Parker's resolve to be Spider-Man.

Realizing this makes me like this movie even more.

Los Buenos Cigarros

Law and Order
(Originally written 11/30/2007)

I woke up the morning to a Law and Order: Criminal Intent marathon on USA. Why is it that this show always enthralls me? It seems like Vincent D'onofrio has some sort of hypnotic power when he wears a gray suit and a badge. His acting is probably the best that I have ever seen in any television show. Ever. His idiosyncrasies just add so much depth to his character and makes the show great.

Right now I'm watching Special Victims Unit. I used to think that this version was better than CI, but, after seeing more and more CI episodes, I may be switching sides. Not that I don't like SVU. I just may be a Major Case guy from now on.

But it does have the worst opening theme song of the trio.

They Call It "Turkey Day" For a Reason

Another one of those days.
(Originally Written 11/25/2007)

Yep, my life is so boring that I have nothing new to share with you all. Many apologies.

I do have an assignment for a job interview. I have to create some illustrations following specific guidelines. I'm having a rather hard time getting them done, though, with the amount of hours I have been working, and the holiday, and everything. They want it by the 30th. Of this month. Christ, that's not too far off. Looks like I'll be working on this all night. And this doesn't even guarantee me the job. Oh, well. It's worth a shot, so long as it gets me out of retail.

Genesis: Chapter 12

The new Marvel Legends...
(Originally written 11/22/2007)

Finally. I have been waiting for these figures to come out since, Jesus, I don't even know when. They were originally supposed to come out in September, which got pushed back to October. I'm so happy that I just happened to go into Wal-Mart and there they were. The only thing I'm disappointed with is that I was only able to get four out of the five that I wanted. It seems that Bucky was all sold out. I'm not too worried; I'm sure I'll find him eventually.

I also found the Spider-Man Legends figures in the store. I was in Target yesterday, browsing the toys and I noticed that one of the Spider-Man blister packages was different. I looked at it closer and saw that it was a Build-A-Figure. This was a strange thing, too, because I hadn't seen these anywhere else, despite the fact that I was searching. Unfortunately, all they had was Red and Blue Spider-Man and Sandman. I got the Spider-Man (I didn't give a shit about Sandman at all), but now I have to scour the Earth for the other figures in the set that I want.

I also need to keep an eye out for the Fantastic Four Legends. Those are pretty cool looking too. These ones are pretty awesome. I'm looking forward to the Tygra and the Black Bolt. Too bad the image doesn't even show the only figure I wanted to see, the Astonishing X-Men version of the Beast. Dammit.

Genesis: Chapter 11

I finally got my package!

(Originally written 11/21/2007)

But not in a gay way. I'm talking about the Spider-Man Lego that I won on eBay.

See, the crazy thing is, I never even knew that Lego made anything for Spider-Man. Whenever I go to the store, I see the Mega Blocks of Spider-Man, but I don't remember seeing anything for Spider-Man. So I was excited as hell to finally see this. I had to bid, and I had to win.

Well, that was a couple of weeks ago, and the thing finally came in yesterday. I wasted no time cutting into that box and putting it together. It looks cool, too, having a bridge in our little Lego town. Yes, we have a Lego town. This was an idea that my girlfriend had, to gather together a bunch of different Lego sets and create a town. It is severely lacking right now, but that has nothing to do with my girlfriend's lack of trying.

Anyway, I love this Lego set. I love it so much, that I had to get a second one.

Genesis: Chapter 10

Sweet Jesus, does the radio suck.
(Originally written 11/18/2007)

My girlfriend's little brother came over today to hang out with his sister, play some video games, and just get away from his parents for a day. As I'm taking him home tonight, I'm flipping through the radio stations, and I just wanted to shoot myself right there on the highway. Modern radio stations are the absolute worst thing in the world.

Keep in mind that I have three bands on my radio, each with six radio stations, not counting the AM band. I flipped through each band at least five times, maybe six, and whatever wasn't playing a commercial at the time, played a song that made my ears bleed. How, how can this be? How can a business, that of a radio station, make money by playing the worst possible music, ever? This is a thing that boggles my mind.

The worst part about it? I had my iPod on me at the time, with the iTrip all plugged in and everything, but the friggin' battery was dead. Just my luck, right?

Genesis: Chapter 9

I hate paying bills...
(originally written 11/16/2007)

So I usually don't. Well, I always pay them, but just not always on time. Like my credit cards always get paid on time, but the rent and utilities are generally a little late. Or a month.

Which brings me to my story... I haven't paid the Hyperband bill since September, so they put my service on hold. I was using the Internet all day yesterday, until about 4:00 PM. No problems at all. But when my girlfriend and I get home, and she goes to do her homework, the Internet doesn't work. So, I'm messing with the router and the modem and everything and no go.

Anyway, I call the company today and ask them what's up. They say that the service was put on hold for non-payment. So, I paid it, now everything works. My point... bills suck. I know this makes me some sort of deadbeat, but it's just kind of my thing.

I'm gonna consider paying my cell phone bill. I don't really care if they shut that off. I hate having a cell phone.

Genesis: Chapter 8

Goddamn UPS!
(Originally written 11/12/2007)

So, I'm waiting on a package, right? Well, a few anyway. And, evidently, one of them was coming through UPS. Why is it that every time the UPS guy comes, I'm never home? I had to do some running around after work today, and when I got home, the stupid yellow sticker was on my door. DAMMIT! Now, tomorrow, I have to leave work early just to get home in time so I make sure I get my package.

Remember how I said I'm waiting on other packages too? Well, I have this one douchebag that lives in my building who has had the mailbox key for a week. A whole friggin' week! The post office may have already been trying to give me the other package that I'm waiting on (Spider-Man Legos that I won on eBay, if you were curious) but couldn't because this shitface is too damn lazy to get his mail. I mean, the mailbox is literally twenty feet from the building. He would have to walk past it to get to his home. Check your DAMN MAIL!

I swear, I hate people.

Genesis: Chapter 7

The Trial of Colonel Sweeto
(Originally written 11/9/2007)

So Nick Gurewitch, the immensely hilarious creator of the Perry Bible Fellowship, finally has his book coming out in a week, and I couldn't be more excited about it. PBF is one of the funniest comic strip on the internet, and if you haven't seen it, you should. This book, titled the Trial of Colonel Sweeto, includes not just the strips he published online, but will have plenty of new stuff also. The book is still in preorder on Amazon; if you want to get yourself a copy, go here and grab one. (Note: The book has since been released and it is awesome.)

It might be strange that I am speaking so highly of another webcomic on this here site, but i would have to disagree. I feel that every artist should recognize their inspirations, and I feel that the Perry Bible Fellowship is certainly one of my inspirations. Though, I am unsure if I can write the same kind of surreal things that Gurewitch does. I look forward to a new strip from Gurewitch every week and I am rarely let down by what he supplies me. I am humble enough to recognize those who are more successful than me, but that doesn't mean that I don't aim to be as high as PBF one day.

Anyway, grab yourself a copy of Colonel Sweeto. Sure, you may have read most of it already if you are already a fan of PBF, but I'm sure that the new content makes the paltry price of 12 bucks worth it.

Genesis: Chapter 6

A slight case of writers block?
(Originally written 11/4/2007)

So I'm sitting here wondering what I can write about here on this page, but I'll be damned if I can't find anything interesting to relate. See, my life is terribly boring; I'm not the kind of guy to go out to clubs on a nightly basis, or do the "skeet-skeet wif sum chicken-heads", as the case may be. So basically I'm just practicing a technique that writers use when they suffer from writer's block; free writing.

Free writing is just allowing yourself to write, despite what comes out. At this point I don't even know what the hell I'm talking about. I'm just rambling on like an idiot.

I haven't seen any interesting movies lately. I have read a few books, but I guess nothing that stands out in my mind as being noteworthy.

I guess my biggest excitement right now is to watch Heroes tomorrow night. I love that show, but I didn't really pay to much attention to last week's episode to know what to get excited about.

Man, my life is boring. I am sorry to have shared this all with you.

More strips coming soon.

I apologize for the lack of updates here at C&P. This past week has consisted of me moving out of my apartment and I haven't had time to even look at my computer.

The moving will be completed by this evening, and I should be able to resume my normal activities. I will be heading to the movies tomorrow night (Wolverine, baby!) then Saturday is Free Comic Book Day. So I might not be updating until Sunday, unless I have to go to work (fingers crossed that I don't.)

I am hoping that Sunday I will have time to take care of you all. Bear with me. I'm still a little delirious from lack of sleep.

Peace and chicken grease.

Genesis: Chapter 5

Suffering from the influenza.
(Originally written 11/2/2007)

This week was supposed to be my week of vacation from work. However, due to some... management rearrangements, that did not come to fruit. Although I did manage to secure Sunday and Saturday off for myself. Having these few extra days off, I had planned to get some things done. Clean up the apartment. Render a few C&P strips.

Then the sore throat showed up.

Sunday I was OK. I managed to do a little bit. But by Monday morning (a day I had planned to go to work) I was done. I had to bang out of work, which I guess was good, because I got another day to myself. But that day was spent drinking Theraflu and coughing yellow gunk out of my lungs. Tuesday was terrible. I went to work and sweated the entire time. I don't know how I lived through that. Wednesday and Thursday were pretty much the same as Monday, except slightly better. And today, I am glad to report that the cough is still there, but most everything else is fine.

I tell ya, Theraflu, Mucinex, and Ginger Ale is the greatest remedy for anything.

I also made some pumpkin seeds. That has nothing to do with my illness, but I'm just so excited about those tasty little buggers that I had to tell you all about it.

C&P store

I added the link for the C&P Zazzle store here on the page. The products there feature a few custom graphics of Pecker in all his glory. If you feel so inclined, take a look. You can buy too. I won't get mad.

Also, if you have any design ideas, leave a comment and let me know. I have no problem working on them and adding them to the store. Whatever makes you happy.

Genesis: Chapter 4

The Nightmare Before Christmas in 3-D!

(Originally written 10/28/2007)

So I took my girlfriend and her little brother to see the 3-D version of the Nightmare Before Christmas. This is one of their favorite movies and I was surprised to see that is was playing here in New Jersey.

Needless to say, the 3-D effects were fantastic. I was not expecting it to look nearly as good as it did. I guess I thought it would be like the last 3-D movie that I saw in the theaters, which was Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare. It was nothing like that. No red and blue glasses here.
But the cool effects are not the purpose behind this post. I am really writing this to explain what I noticed about the film, a concept that I didn't pick up on when I saw it in the past.
I am talking about the irony of Jack's character.

Jack Skellington, the Pumpkin King, seems like a decent "guy" throughout the beginning of the film. Then he seems to have an identity crisis, not wanting to do the same things day in day out. He stumbles upon Christmastown and his prayers are answered.

This is where Jack goes from protagonist to antagonist.

Jack's actions after he decides he wants Christmas makes him the bad guy. He suffers from delusions of grandeur and does his best to implement this plan, going so far as to recruit a group of nasty kids to kidnap Santa Claus, all so that he can run Christmas. Granted, he tells to kids not to harm Santa in anyway, but what if the reason behind this was so he could ransom him off if the Christmas thing didn't pay off for him? It's possible.

Then, Jack takes another turn, but only after he takes a cannon shell in his sled after wrecking havoc on innocent lives. Pretty severe. He then rushes back to Halloweentown to help Santa, only to find him in the clutches of Oogie Boogie. Now, most people will probably say that Oogie is the bad guy in the movie, but he is just a degenerate gambler who took advantage of a fortunate event. Oogie Boogie is who he is, but, from what we witness in the film, he never resorted to kidnap. Sure, he played with Santa's and Sally's lives, but that situation never would have arisen if it weren't for Jack's actions earlier in the film.

I admit, the Nightmare Before Christmas is a damn good movie. However, people need to realize that it is not how the may have realized. Jack Skellington is evil, pure and simple. I wouldn't trust him.

(Edit: I had some stuff here about an auction I posted to eBay. Since that auction is no longer active, I removed this portion due to irrelevance.)